She was drinking again last night. She was fairly well behaved. She has been since last week when I got mad at her and told her I wanted a divorce. I didn’t set out to tell her that, it just came out one morning after a drunk night. But as well behaved as she has been (and this is very relative), she isn’t herself when she drinks and there is no connection between me and the person she becomes when she drinks. Not a good one, anyway.
Last night we were going to watch the NCIS we had recorded a couple of nights ago as the usual Thursday night lineup wasn’t on. She wanted to watch the whole thing because she didn’t remember the first hour that we had watched Tuesday as she ws drunk. In the end, we wound up watching “Deal or No Deal”. Another silly time waster of a show. Last night they had some special deal where they loaded up on million dollar chances. The woman had 11 out of 26 million dollar cases to choose from. She was doing really well at first and got some major high offers. I kept saying that she should keep going and my wife got pissed. Really took it personally that I thought the woman, who would never again have a shot at a million dollars, should keep trying until she got down to her last million dollar case and lost her safety net. The woman kept saying she wanted to spend the money she won on a family reunion and how much do you need for that?. My wife swore up and down that she should just take the first good offer and run with the money. But she refused to see my reasoning and took it very personally that I would say that the woman should keep trying for the million. She said a lot of unkind things to the effect that since we were poor it was stupid for someone else to keep taking a chance. And she made it quite personal and told me that since I wouldn’t do things the safe way and would continue to take a chance, that I didn’t understand her and shouldn’t be with her.
She also said a bunch of nasty things about how we were never going to have any money. That she wanted to go to the casino they just openned and try the MGM Grand and the new restaurant there, Craftsteaks, but that we would never do it because we would never be able to afford it. Personally, I could care less about going to the casino, any casino, and dumping a bunch of cash in a slot machine or table games. I have done it a couple of times and really don’t see the attraction. So if I don’t go to something like that it is because I choose not to, not because I can’t afford it. I could be convinced to go to a good resturant, though. But it is typical of her to be completely negative and take things way out of context and twist them around to then prove that we don’t belong together. And then deny it the next morning, if I bother to bring it up. Which I didn’t today, what is the point? It is always the same thing. She doesn’t remember the nasty things she said and she doesn’t want me to leave, no mater how many times she said it the night before. That she loves me, even if she doesn’t show it.
