July 29, 2008

Ahh, my last day in the forties. And I celebrated it by taking some of her Skyy vodka and making myself a couple of stiff Bloody Mary’s. Why the hell not? I’m not the one that turns psycho when she drinks. And she didn’t either, tonight. But she was drinking. For some reason she bought two 375 ml bottles of rotgut and killed one and drank all but an inch in the second. She was a little out of it and I knew she was drinking, but she didn’t pick any fights with me, so I guess it was sort of a wash. I didn’t get to spend the evening with my wife, but I didn’t have to fight all night with Drunk Bitch, either. Call it a draw.

July 28, 2008

Drunk again. Hopefully I’ll be able to get some sleep tonight. It looks like she has passed out without real incident, but I won’t know for sure until I try to go to bed, too.

Was moderately nasty to our daughter whenever she would talk about wanting a dog. Just drunk and angry in general, but we didn’t argue, for a change. She tried though. At one point she whispered to me that she wasn’t looking forward to our trip to New York to see my family. Our daughter had just said that she was looking forward to seeing her cousins. So DB had to slip in one nasty dig. Maybe she was just being honest, maybe she was just being nasty, maybe she was floating a trial balloon to see if I’d fight with her. I ignored it and that was the end of that.

July 27, 2008

It had been a good weekend. She brought home a bottle of rotgut Friday, but didn’t drink it. Plus she still head her bottle of Skyy that her ignorant co-worker bought her. Didn’t touch it, either. It was a family weekend, one niece had her first birthday on Saturday and then her other niece had her christening on Sunday. She made it through both with no incident, but after we got back Sunday evening, she scarfed her bottle of rotgut and made a dent in her Skyy. She was argumentative over stupid things. We argued over how a Great White attacks, for example. Then, at bed time, she lay there crying or swearing at me. Kept waking me up with her sobbing until I couldn’t get back to sleep. The night before my first day at a new job, I got less then two hours sleep. Plus, when I tried to console her, she went on the attack. Didn’t understand why I didn’t do what I should have done at college, amongst other things. More stuff about how she couldn’t handle me, couldn’t quit smoking, wanting me to ‘fix it’.  Then a lot more sobbing.

July 24, 2008

Drinking. No real incident.

July 23, 2008

It’s her birthday. One of her misguided friends gave her a bottle of Skyy Vodka for her birthday. She opened it, but didn’t drink more then a slug. We went out for dinner and she seemed mostly alright. On the way to dinner, she made a crack about how she and my mom could sit down and open the Skyy and have a nice long drink and a chat. I said that sounded like a good idea, why don’t you do that. She got that drunk clever look on her face and said she didn’t think so. I had already seen her drinking from the new bottle, so I knew she wasn’t opening it up with my mother. 

Anyway, it wasn’t a bad night, but it was a drinking night.

July 22, 2008

Another drinking night. But fortunately her anger this time was directed at her parents and not me for a change. She did get kind of manic and I was worried that her anger might shift targets to me but that didn’t happen. Her father has an email account with AOL and they upgraded and now he can’t access his email. He has over 330 emails in his box that he can’t read. So my wife wanted me to try to get to them. I tried but I couldn’t get there without his password and he wasn’t home. Plus I suspect he would have gotten mad at me for trying. My wife got bent at AOL and her father and that was just fine with me as long as I wasn’t the one in her cross hairs.

We went down to watch some idiot box and she passed out without incident, other then to be making very angry comments about the show we were watching that were way over the top and didn’t really make much sense.

July 21, 2008

When I got up this morning, I was pretty bummed out and angry at my wife. When she woke up I lost my temper and ripped her a new one. Afterwards, she got ready to leave for work and she said, “I’ll see you later.” I said, “Will you, or will it be your drunken alter ego?” She said it would be her. I naturally thought that meant that she wouldn’t drink that night. Silly me.

Okay, confession time. I got really bummed out and decided it was time for a mind eraser and mixed myself a quadruple dirty martini. After I picked the kids up from day camp, of course. I don’t get hammered and drive the kids around. But drinking just made me morose and I got kind of angry, too. When she came back from work I tore into her again. In all fairness, she was sober when she got home. But she didn’t stay that way. I asked her if she had any vodka and she lied right in my face and told me no. I went up to make dinner and by the time I got downstairs again, it was obvious she was drunk.

After sitting through my tirades without one reasonable answer (she usually just stares at the floor and if I press for any kind of response says that she is so far in the wrong that there is nothing she can say, so she doesn’t), now that she was drunk she wanted to ‘talk’ to me and started trying to set the record straight, at least as her alter ego saw it. She made one or two comments and then told me we should go out and get the kids’ t-shirts for their tie-dye at day camp. I told her I was in no shape to drive and she said she would. Then I played stupid and insisted on going, too and she suddenly lost interest. She wasn’t planning to go get t-shirts. She wanted more booze! Lied to me again! Fortunately, she decided to go to bed shortly after that and the night ended without to much trouble.

July 20, 2008

I knew I should have thrown away her bottle. It was a 750 ml bottle she had gone out and gotten Friday night when she lied to me about getting the kids some ice cream. And Friday turned into the usual drunken horror. But she barely touched her bottle that night, since she was already drunk. After I chewed her out Saturday morning, I was hoping she would toss her bottle. She didn’t. I guess I should have.

She drank pretty much the entire 750 ml of vodka. Then she drifted in and out of consciousness. Before nine, she went up stairs. I didn’t know what for. She came down at eight fifty and announced that she had just sent the kids up to bed and she didn’t understand why they were mad at her. I told her that of course they were mad, she sent them to bed before their bed time. She said, “What? What time is it?” It old her, then I told her that of course they got mad, they don’t understand that Mommy is drunk and doesn’t really know what time it is. They just know they are being sent to bed before bed time for no reason. I went up to tuck the kids in and read to them.

While I was up there, they asked me some questions about California. I started to tell them some things, and my wife stumbled in. She told me that I never lived in California because I had been in the Navy while I was there. I told her I did live there, I spent almost a year there in training, on shore, before I was on the submarine. She said I still didn’t really live there. Then she said couldn’t deal with me anymore and went down stairs. I read to the kids for a while and went downstairs.

She was passed out and I hoped that would be it. No such luck. From about nine thirty until one she kept waking up and fighting with me. Yelling that she wanted me out of her life. That she wished she had married the other drunk, at least he would have taken care of her. That I don’t care about the kids. That I need to fix our situation. Just on and on. At one point she demanded that I tell “my son” why we were here. That I should tell him that his mother is a cheating drunk and ruined things for me in Tallahassee. More crap about wanting me out of her life. I finally just rolled over and ignored her. No matter what she said, I just ignored her and pretended to be asleep.

July 18, 2008

Angry drunk again tonight. First she was mad at her sister and then her parents. Then of course, she was mad at me. She just kept getting more and more worked up as the evening went on. Not that I did anything to piss her off, she was just getting madder and madder all by herself. She went to bed at nine and I tried to read. She kept yelling and swearing, so I turned off the big light and went to bed. I wasn’t tired so I read for a while, but she just kept muttering and searing and would suddenly just ask me some question trying to draw me into an argument. I refused. If I could, I answered her questions, if they were totally just argumentative, I just ignored her. That just made her madder. I finally gave up on reading and trunedoff the light to go to sleep at about ten. From then until one in the morning, she kept yelling and swearing and jumping up to go smoke and come berate me some more. I mostly ignored her and pretended to be asleep, but some time after midnight it got to me and I jumped up and got in her face. I told her that I always tried to treat her with courtesy and respect and I would never get in her face like th at while she was just trying to go to sleep. I called her a selfish bitch and told her to cut that shit out and just leave me alone. I went back to bed and she quieted down, but was still muttering ans crying until some time after one in hte fucking morning.

July 17, 2008

No problems tonight, but she is drinking. Her personality changes and it is so obvious to anyone who knows her. She doesn’t see it and gets really offended if I mention while she is drinking. That is usually a sure road to a fight.

Earlier, I had told her that her father was being obnoxious. She said that he was trying to pick a fight. I asked, “Why would he do that?” She answered that she had, “left a bunch of bottles in the recycle bin and he is pissed off about it.” Later I had occasion to look in the bin. There were four empty vodka bottles. I have no idea where she was hiding them.