October 26, 2009

After a quiet weekend, drunk bitch returned in full force. We had clam chowder for dinner and she took one bite and declared that there were to many potatoes in it and refused to eat any more. So basically, she drank her dinner.

After dinner, the kids and I went for a walk. When we got back, Heroes was on and I tried to settle down to watch it. My wife called me from her lounge, demanding that I come out there. I got up and went to see what she wanted. She had our daughter’s purse and notebook spread out on her table and said, “Look what I found in your daughter’s purse.” There was a movie ticket stub, the wrapper from a pair of 3D glasses, and some Trident gum wrappers along with ten dollars and fifty cents. I have no idea what the problem was, so I just said, “Yes?” She started going off about how she was not going to “lose our daughter.” Still, I had no idea what she was talking about, so I said I was going back to watch TV. She got pissed. A few minutes later she demanded that I come out and “talk to her.”

I walked out to hear what she had to say. She had some school papers out and asked me if I had seen them. I hadn’t. She got pissed at me for not having gone through my daughter’s notebook that day. Started yelling about how she wasn’t going to lose our daughter. Again. I said that there was nothing I could say to her right now. (My thought was that the only way she would “lose” our daughter was by drinking and being a drunken asshole, but I just didn’t think it would be productive to point that out.) She got all snotty and said she would talk to me tomorrow. Then I asked her why she had to do this during one of the only shows I watch on the idiot box and she got pissed about that, too. She was yelling at me that I cared more about TV then my daughter, that Heroes was boring, and other obnoxious stuff, so I walked out on her. (I can understand her not liking Heroes, especially since she usually gets so drunk when it is on that she either passes out or can’t follow even the simplest story lines.) Another night where she stayed as far away as possible.

October 22, 2009

She was drunk again. She was nasty to the kids and to me. She started badgering the boy about his spelling words. She kept demanding that he spell “microorganism” over and over again. He got it right and then she kept after him and he started getting flustered and would get the “ism” part mixed up. Then she would yell at him. When she spelled it wrong herself, I finally said, “Okay, this is enough. Why don’t we take a little break?” She went ballistic. Started yelling at me and demanded to know what I was doing. I told her she was going overboard and when she spelled the word wrong, it was enough and time to stop. She swore that she didn’t say it wrong (she did) and that I was an asshole. I told her she was drunk and to just cut it out. To leave the kids alone and stop talking. She stormed out to her smoking lounge. Then she spent the rest of the night avoiding me. She wouldn’t look at me and if she walked through the room where I was, she would look at the wall and push herself up against the wall and stayed as far away from me as physically possible.

October 20, 2009

She was drinking. Again. She started to try and pick a fight about my not having cut our son’s hair the night before. I pointed out that I would have except that she jumped in the bathroom and didn’t get out until 9:30 and it would have been after ten before our son’s hair had been cut and him showered and in bed. She shut up for a minute. Then she started telling me that I should just shave his head. She told me to give him a Mohawk and then shave it off later. I said that wasn’t happening and she got bent about that.

When I got to doing the boy’s hair, she staggered up and sat on the can and began criticizing. I asked her nicely, twice, to leave as I don’t work well with someone looking over my shoulder. She told me that we weren’t hair cutters. Then she continued to nag at me about the cut and I told her to leave. She tried to argue and I said I didn’t want her in there while I was doing this, especially not since she was drunk. That put her over the top. She started yelling at me that it had taken me two weeks to cut the boy’s hair. I pointed out that it had been seven years and she was STILL drinking. She stomped off downstairs and didn’t talk to me the rest of the night. In fact, she wouldn’t even look at me. Walked around the edges of the room, with her eyes anywhere but on me. I went to bed and read, and when she finally came to bed, she lay there muttering until she passed out.

Another fine drunken night.

October 19, 2009

Monday night so it’s back to the bottle. She nagged at me and the kids about cutting my son’s hair. I said I would do it after watching Heroes. My wife decided right as I was getting up to go cut my son’s hair that she needed to take a shower. Okay. No haircuts tonight. Other then talking strange and being mean to the kids and sabotaging the haircut with her sudden ‘need’ for a shower, it wasn’t to bad.

October 16, 2009

Drinking again. Her brother came over. Her mother is out of town for four days (she actually told us it would be a couple of days, but apparently she left on Friday and isn’t coming back until Monday. That isn’t “a couple”, in my book) and she wants us to keep an eye on my father-in-law. He is ill and falls a lot. He needs help getting back up, so we have to listen for unexplained thuds and then go help him if necessary. He is also diabetic and her mother insists that he has to eat before seven. That was why she invited my brother-in-law to come over last night. He brought dinner, but he got delayed and didn’t show up until about seven thirty. (Oops, that plan backfired!) While he was there, he let it be known that my other brother-in-law was coming over tonight. All this has been set up by my mother-in-law. My wife is convinced that it is because her mother doesn’t trust us to feed her father on time. And after her brother left last night, she went on a rant about it. I told her maybe that was true, but maybe it was also true that she had her sons come over and bring the grandchildren so that my father-in-law would have some entertainment beside the idiot box all weekend and some human contact. He has been rude and angry towards us, so we probably don’t really fit the bill and don’t spend much time with him. My wife went ballistic, again, and refused to consider that there was any ‘nice’ reason that her mother set up these visits by her brothers. She stomped off to her smoking lounge and all I could hear from her was profanity and “I’m done”. Again.

Also, while my brother-in-law was here with his family, my wife was drunk and playing with her niece and nephew. It only resulted in one accidental smack in the eye for the niece, and she got over it quickly, so I guess it could have been worse. My brother-in-law is an alcoholic who has quit drinking. He knows a bit of what my wife is going through, but he was able to quit and she apparently can’t, or won’t. I’m sure he knows my wife was drunk, it was pretty obvious, she talks funny and says inappropriate things and doesn’t really track the conversation going on around her.

October 15, 2009

Another drunk night. They are all starting to run together in my mind, they all seem the same. She drinks, is mean to the kids, and her IQ seems to drop about twenty points. Then she goes off on something, I don’t even remember what it was, but if I don’t agree with her, or, if I actually dare to disagree, she takes it completely personally. And if I then tell her that I don’t want to talk to her any more because she is drunk and not making any sense any more, she goes really ballistic, screaming and ranting that she is done with me, done with the kids, done with her parents, done with her job, and, oh yeah, she wants a divorce.

I will have to remember to write these every day, or at least by the day after because they are all starting to run together. Plus, I have decided to just not let her drunken, abusive behavior have the same hold on me that it has had for so many years. I guess I am finally learning to distance myself from her antics, can putting actual distance from her be to far behind?

October 13, 2009

Drinking again. Nothing to bad though. Kind of nasty to the kids, hard to talk to for me. I guess it is what passes for a good night when she is drinking. She did try to tell me that she might be going out drinking Friday with people from work. I always hate it when she does that, she is supposed to be QUITTING drinking, not going to a bar, spending a wad of cash and then driving back drunk. And I am not going to be happy about it when she tells me about it. Plus, the last time she said her boss was pushing for a Happy Hour, she later let it slip out that her boss had nothing to do with it and it was all her idea.

October 12, 2009

The little woman got drunk and then insisted that she needed to go buy some new underwear. She spent a pile of cash on a very few items. Shortly after we got back from the store, she became very amorous.  I don’t mind, but her timing was horrible (I was in the middle of cooking dinner when she suggested this – the kids were hungry and if I left the food when she wanted me to it would have burned to a crisp!) I eventually put her off until after I got the kids fed and put to bed – a much better plan! She got mad for a while and I thought that was going to be the end of that, but things worked out in the end.

October 8, 2009

She was drinking again tonight. No fights or anything, just her being sullen and in a nasty mood. I guess that passes as a good night around here for her. (Not so much for me though).

October 7, 2009

She was drinking again. I made dinner, chicken and dumplings, one of her favorites. When I served it, it was fresh off the stove and was pretty hot. She started pissing and moaning because the food was hot. I never heard her do this until her father started doing it a couple of years ago. I swear she gets more like her parents every drunken day. I told her that this was real food and it had been cooked on a real stove and it was supposed to be served hot. If she didn’t like it, she could wait a minute to eat it. She wanted to argue, but I guess one look at my face told her not to.

After that, things seemed to be normal. But later our cable was having problems. She asked me if there had been a letter about changes or upgrades and I told her that we weren’t the subscribers, her parents are, so we wouldn’t have gotten anything. (And they would not have told us…) My wife asked me how much we were paying for cable and I told her nothing. We piggyback cable TV and Internet access off their account and they are actually saving money doing things that way over the way they were doing them before, when we did pay for DSL Internet access. My wife got very upset that we weren’t paying twenty a month for Internet any more (again, they aren’t paying extra for our use of the cable modem and they actually pay less than when we paid them for DSL access.) She glared at me for a minute, then stormed off to her smoking lounge and began ranting and raving in the back room. It was directed at me, but I ignored it. I didn’t want to argue with her while she was drunk, especially over something that shouldn’t have been worth an argument in the first place!

So, another fine night of pointless drunken weirdness. I wouldn’t mind if it were fun or funny, but it isn’t. It mostly just makes me sad that she is doing this to herself. Drinking diminishes her and makes her kind of pathetic. And I miss my wife, at least, my wife the way she used to be and still often is, when she is sober.