About
I am writing this to describe life with an alcoholic. I hope that writing this and sharing it will help me to deal with the emotional roller coaster of living with an alcoholic. We have been married for thirteen years and together for twenty. We have a daughter and a son, both in elementary school. Currently we are living in her parents’ basement, not exactly a desireable living situation. I am trying to stay upbeat and positive and be a good father for my kids. It isn’t easy. I still love my wife in spite of everything and I would prefer to stay with her, both for my sake and the kids’ sake. It may not work out that way and I have to deal with that, too.
August 19, 2008 at 3:39 am |
I stumbled across your blog. I’m living the same thing, but from the other side and started a blog not too long ago to get all my thoughts and feelings out of my head and to maybe help someone else. I just wanted to say you’re not alone! Keep positive. I’ll be thinking of you
August 19, 2008 at 1:11 pm |
Thank you, I’m sorry to hear that you are going through this, too. I try to keep positive, I have two kids to think about.
September 18, 2008 at 9:51 am |
Thank you for sharing your experiences via your blog. I am also going through similar times.
My wife passes out every night between 8:30 and 9:00PM after drinking around three bottles of wine plus god knows how many slugs of gin. She also becomes manic early on; over-reacting to situations to try to compensate for how drunk she is getting, this generally descends into fight-picking and verbal abuse. Once the nastiness starts I normally put the kids to bed and hope she has passed out by the time I come back downstairs.
This is such a lonely existence, most of my evenings are spent watching the TV trying to balance the volume so I don’t wake the kids up but can hear it over her snoring. She normally comes to enough to drag herself to bed at around 10:30ish. I wait until around midnight to come up to bed so I’m sure she has passed out enough for me to get a decent few hours of sleep before work at 06:30, the bedroom always stinks of stale alcohol and reminds me of friday and saturday nights when I used to work in A&E.
My wife has financially crippled us with her drinking, she must spend upwards of £15 a day on booze (sometimes I think that heroin would be cheaper, but that’s a whole different nightmare and I shouldn’t joke about that!). I pay the mortgage, all of the household bills and take care of both cars. All she has to pay for is the food and nursery fees, she earns about the same as me (if not more…she will never tell me) but still scrounges money of me from about the second week of the month so she can buy “food”, obviously a large portion of this goes on drink as there is only the bare minimum of food bought the only sacrifice she makes is that the quality (but not quantity) of her booze will go down until she gets paid again and the whole chaotic cycle starts again.
I love my wife dearly and want to help her get better and back to the beautiful caring person that she used to be but I know that after 15 years together and about 10 of those watching her slowly dissolve her personality in a lake of alcohol that she will only get better when she wants to. I try my best to provide a loving home for my kids and hope against hope that one day there will be an end to this shitty existence.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts, you are not alone. I will be thinking of you and your family and I wish you all well.
September 18, 2008 at 4:44 pm |
I too, love my wife and just want this nightmare to be over and to go back to being with the woman I fell in love with.
It is both encouraging and sad to know that others out there are going through this.
I wish you well and hope you get your wife back. Stay as positive as you can. I know it is hard, but I have two small children and I have to keep things together for them. If you have a family, too, then I hope you can for their sake and your own.
October 14, 2008 at 11:26 am |
I just read your entire blog and I wish there was something I could say to make things better. I pray your wife will get the help she needs to recover from this nasty disease……before it is too late.
God bless you and your kids. I can’t imagine going through what you are.
May 27, 2009 at 8:19 pm |
am so glad I found this blog. it is hard and there are good days, ok days, bad days and just god awful days. I too have been with my husband for 15 years, and watched him go from a clever, funny sociable handsome man to a dribbling wreck to pretty much took me to the edge of no return. we had a 2 year old when is parents & I finally managed to get him into treatment (he had finally reached his rock bottom, round about the same time I reached mine).
We are now 4 years on, & it was pretty rocky for the first 2, where the wheels fell off a few times but he has thankfully now not had a drink for 2 years. he is in the AA programme & it has worked for him, for which I am so grateful – neither of us are religeous. I did go to a few AlAnon meetings which were helpful, just in terms of getting all the ‘cr*p’ of your chest but msut admit to stopping, when I managed to have counselling through a local group, which works with addicts & their families.
to this day, I can honestly not say why I stayed, because I had gone way beyond the point of loving him, as the person I had met did not exist anymore. we are now both very different people and still trying to find our way… it is so much, I am not constantly checking, I can now sleep in my own bed as before I spent an awful lot of time on the sofa (when he was not passed out on it) as I could not stand the smell of stale alcohol or the snoring!!!!!
before I start rambling like an alcoholic, I will end by wishing lots of luck & peace – & always remember – it’s not you – it really really isn’t. always remember to take a deep breath & never give them a fight esp when they have had a drink (as hard as that can be-you are never gonna win!)
June 18, 2009 at 12:03 am |
Aanohelp,
Take care of yourself and children. It’s like the flight attendants say before every flight, put your own oxygen mask on first, then assist others.
-Inneedofpeace
June 18, 2009 at 7:02 am |
You are absolutely right. I have tried to help my wife, but I need to take care of myself so I can care for my children and then and only then, see if I can help her. If I can’t stand on my own to feet, how can I carry others?
October 17, 2009 at 9:59 am |
I’m reading your blog to help me with recovery. I’m th drunk wife. I’ve been drinking heavy for about 3 years, following a gastric bypass. My husband and daughter won’t even talk to me. I find it hard to see my part in the pain I caused when they won’t even get mad anymore. They asked me to leave, or they would leave me. My husband wants a divorce. Before they told me to go. I had a really bad relaps. (I didn’t ever really stop) I lost my job, and maybe my career forever. I locked myself in a hotel for 4 days drinking and spending my last and final paycheck. My daughter 17 at the time moved out of the house and 200 miles away to cold, bitter, hateful, and resentful family I isolated from 2 years ago. I had to leave, before she came back. That was 8/02/09 I want, and wanted for some time to get better. I relapsed every time I got stressed, loanly, or hurt. Now I’ve been living in a rehab with 100 other woman. It’s a 6 month program with a year of after care. I only hope that my family can forgive me. Reading your blog helps me see the other side. You open my eyes to things I didn’t want to see. It was my husbands tough love that made me look at my drinking. I love him with all my heart. Thank You!
October 17, 2009 at 10:51 am |
I’m glad this helps you. I know it helps me to write about it, but at the same time, I think I spend to much time thinking about and dealing with my wife’s drinking. I don’t want to spend my life this way any more. I suspect that our time together is nearly over, I’m sure it is if she doesn’t stop soon.
October 17, 2009 at 4:08 pm |
I sat up all night reading. I have received more from you in one night. Then anything my family will do for me now. This is my first try at recovery. I want it to be my last. My heart goes out to you so much. The stuff you put in the blog could be my husband. Except I’m a day drinker, I hid my drinking, and he never saw me do it. I drank when he was working, or out of the house. I know he could tell, but if he didn’t see maybe I could hide it. I drank almost every day. At first I drank to passout, I didn’t want reality. When they started to get mad I only drank enough to maintain a numbness. Usually 1-2 pints over 16 hours. My drinking really slowed down last March. I would have 3-4 day nights a month, and maybe an all day drunk. From Aug to now only 4 times, and it wasn’t stinking drunk. We were still working on our marriage until my last relaps. I already left the house for treatment. Day after that relaps. He wanted a divorce. In treatment you start to get better, and hope you never relaps. I never even got to relaps prevention. He sounds just like you. I see him in your blog. So tender, and nice to his wife. So hurt, and angry with his drunk bitch. I’m an angry drunk, just like your wife. When I was sober I was myself again, but I didn’t have to drink to become the other me. Crashing down, not drinking, and stressing about it made me her somedays. I’m sure you see your wife, but if she didn’t start drinking I’m sure she would still change back sober. She’s not working on her problem. I hope for you, and the kids that she gets better. It kills me to see the look of shame on my daughters face. I didn’t see it when I was drunk. I really see it now. I tried AA, and it helps, but I use it with my 12 step zenpodcast/website. Im sure my husbands happy I’ve never smoked! Uck! I just started my blog. JustCricky you can take a look. I’d like to put a link to your on it.
October 17, 2009 at 11:18 pm |
Again, I hope this helps you. Good luck to you and your family. By all means, link to my blog if you wish.
Thanks for writing. Fare well.