Comments for Aanohelp's Weblog http://aanohelp.wordpress.com Life With My Alcoholic Wife Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:56:55 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 Comment on November 24, 2009 by aanohelp http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/november-24-2009/#comment-302 aanohelp Tue, 01 Dec 2009 20:56:55 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=689#comment-302 I've never tried a camcorder, I am not sure I could do it discretely enough that she wouldn't see me recording her. I did use a small digital voice recorder once, when I played it back to her, it made her cry, but it didn't ever make her stop drinking or arguing with me. Mostly, I find talking to her when drunk pointless unless I want to brawl and talking to her sober about her drinking just makes her feel bad without getting her to stop drinking. I’ve never tried a camcorder, I am not sure I could do it discretely enough that she wouldn’t see me recording her. I did use a small digital voice recorder once, when I played it back to her, it made her cry, but it didn’t ever make her stop drinking or arguing with me. Mostly, I find talking to her when drunk pointless unless I want to brawl and talking to her sober about her drinking just makes her feel bad without getting her to stop drinking.

]]> Comment on November 24, 2009 by bats0711 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/november-24-2009/#comment-301 bats0711 Mon, 30 Nov 2009 23:41:56 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=689#comment-301 Just a thought here, maybe one last argument on a camcorder could shake her sense about how much it's hurting everyone, show it to her while she's sober??? Just a thought here, maybe one last argument on a camcorder could shake her sense about how much it’s hurting everyone, show it to her while she’s sober???

]]> Comment on November 24, 2009 by aanohelp http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/november-24-2009/#comment-300 aanohelp Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:28:51 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=689#comment-300 It isn't just women that find AA demeaning. I have been told that by a lot of people. I am not trying to offend anyone, I am just reporting what I have heard from others. If AA works for you, great, more power to you. My wife wouldn't stay sober just because she was going to AA, and from the times I have gone with her, it seems fairly common for people to show up drunk or stoned or both. I no longer argue with my wife when she is drunk. I don't really nod much any more either. I just ignore her. It pisses her off, but I ignore that, too. There is so little point in arguing something with someone who isn't going to remember what she said the next day, and isn't making any sense anyway. I find the whole alcoholic thing can suck me in and depress me and I wind up spending my time and energy trying to deal with it, more then my wife does, I am sure. I just choose not to spend my time and my energy that way any more. It just isn't worth it. It isn’t just women that find AA demeaning. I have been told that by a lot of people. I am not trying to offend anyone, I am just reporting what I have heard from others. If AA works for you, great, more power to you.

My wife wouldn’t stay sober just because she was going to AA, and from the times I have gone with her, it seems fairly common for people to show up drunk or stoned or both.

I no longer argue with my wife when she is drunk. I don’t really nod much any more either. I just ignore her. It pisses her off, but I ignore that, too. There is so little point in arguing something with someone who isn’t going to remember what she said the next day, and isn’t making any sense anyway. I find the whole alcoholic thing can suck me in and depress me and I wind up spending my time and energy trying to deal with it, more then my wife does, I am sure. I just choose not to spend my time and my energy that way any more. It just isn’t worth it.

]]> Comment on November 24, 2009 by bats0711 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/november-24-2009/#comment-299 bats0711 Mon, 30 Nov 2009 13:50:52 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=689#comment-299 You certainly have the nodding and agreeing with her down pat, you are right just arguing with a drunk woman is vertually impossible and just brings the sober one down to that level, and makes the sober one feel even worst about the situation. I being the drunk one, I learned from my hubby that I am an impossible bitch when I get to a point where it's no longer just a happy high. I just want to mention one thing about AA, I also am not a fan of AA. Being a woman and trying to work the steps of AA, just made me feel more awful and I feel the AA way is a demeaning way for a woman to get sober. Sorry to anyone reading this wanting to bite my head off for knocking the all mighty AA. BUT there is no better place to be to stay sober for an hour and that's how AA has helped me. In my opinion I just don't think your wife is ready to try sobriety out, I hope she can prove me wrong on that. You certainly have the nodding and agreeing with her down pat, you are right just arguing with a drunk woman is vertually impossible and just brings the sober one down to that level, and makes the sober one feel even worst about the situation. I being the drunk one, I learned from my hubby that I am an impossible bitch when I get to a point where it’s no longer just a happy high.
I just want to mention one thing about AA, I also am not a fan of AA. Being a woman and trying to work the steps of AA, just made me feel more awful and I feel the AA way is a demeaning way for a woman to get sober. Sorry to anyone reading this wanting to bite my head off for knocking the all mighty AA. BUT there is no better place to be to stay sober for an hour and that’s how AA has helped me. In my opinion I just don’t think your wife is ready to try sobriety out, I hope she can prove me wrong on that.

]]> Comment on November 20, 2009 by Jeanna http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/november-20-2009/#comment-298 Jeanna Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:12:36 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=685#comment-298 I am in tears reading this - I wish I could have had you for a father. My parents were too deep in the bottle to have helped me. I well remember those days, I would have given my eye teeth to have had a dad like you. Know that you are not only helping your daughter, you are letting others know there is still humanity out there. I am in tears reading this – I wish I could have had you for a father. My parents were too deep in the bottle to have helped me. I well remember those days, I would have given my eye teeth to have had a dad like you.
Know that you are not only helping your daughter, you are letting others know there is still humanity out there.

]]> Comment on November 20, 2009 by aanohelp http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/november-20-2009/#comment-297 aanohelp Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:04:47 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=685#comment-297 Thank you very much for your kind words. I try to hang in there for my kids, it is what keeps me going. I am glad if my writing helps anyone else out there who is going through anything similar to what I am. I'd like to say that I wouldn't wish this on anyone, but there is at least one person I would wish it on, I guess we all have our hangups. But for the rest of you, I am glad it helps and I wouldn't wish it on any of you. Hang in there and try to be as positive as you can. As bad as this gets, I know it doesn't compare to some of the things other people have lived through and some people have positively thrived in worse situations. I am trying and I will prevail! Thank you very much for your kind words. I try to hang in there for my kids, it is what keeps me going. I am glad if my writing helps anyone else out there who is going through anything similar to what I am. I’d like to say that I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but there is at least one person I would wish it on, I guess we all have our hangups. But for the rest of you, I am glad it helps and I wouldn’t wish it on any of you. Hang in there and try to be as positive as you can. As bad as this gets, I know it doesn’t compare to some of the things other people have lived through and some people have positively thrived in worse situations. I am trying and I will prevail!

]]> Comment on November 20, 2009 by aanohelp http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/november-20-2009/#comment-296 aanohelp Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:58:09 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=685#comment-296 My wife's mother was a nurse. She told her daughter that a woman's period was when she bled. At one point my wife skinned her knee and announced that she had her period! When she finally had hers, it was a bit of a shock. My wife also had terrible cramps and pads were wicked uncomfortable. Her mother ignored her daughter curled up in the fetal position for as long as she could (at least a couple of years) and then eventually put her on the pill, which made a huge difference. Before that her mother didn't even clue her in to Midol. And she eventually figured out tampons on her own, as her mother was just not helpful or there for her. (I can only thank my lucky stars that I was never her mother's patient. I can't imagine what sort of Nurse Cratchet she was!) So my wife has issues about this whole thing. Yet, I still had to be the one to sit down and explain this stuff to my little girl because Mommy was to drunk and to gone to do it herself. My wife’s mother was a nurse. She told her daughter that a woman’s period was when she bled. At one point my wife skinned her knee and announced that she had her period! When she finally had hers, it was a bit of a shock. My wife also had terrible cramps and pads were wicked uncomfortable. Her mother ignored her daughter curled up in the fetal position for as long as she could (at least a couple of years) and then eventually put her on the pill, which made a huge difference. Before that her mother didn’t even clue her in to Midol. And she eventually figured out tampons on her own, as her mother was just not helpful or there for her. (I can only thank my lucky stars that I was never her mother’s patient. I can’t imagine what sort of Nurse Cratchet she was!)

So my wife has issues about this whole thing. Yet, I still had to be the one to sit down and explain this stuff to my little girl because Mommy was to drunk and to gone to do it herself.

]]> Comment on November 20, 2009 by bats0711 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/november-20-2009/#comment-295 bats0711 Mon, 23 Nov 2009 14:44:37 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=685#comment-295 Aw your poor daughter. I had an alcoholic mother and I had to figure out that whole period thing on my own. I just have to say my mother not being there for me during that period (pardon the pun) was fair more painful than the cramps I had. Aw your poor daughter.
I had an alcoholic mother and I had to figure out that whole period thing on my own. I just have to say my mother not being there for me during that period (pardon the pun) was fair more painful than the cramps I had.

]]> Comment on November 20, 2009 by sad303me http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/21/november-20-2009/#comment-294 sad303me Sun, 22 Nov 2009 20:09:36 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=685#comment-294 I have wanted to comment to you since you wrote about the night watching Deal or No Deal. I cant tell you how many times I have written a message but closed it out instead of sending it. I swear I'm gonna send it this time. (I keep telling myself it's not about my bad grammar, spelling or punctuation.) I have been married for 18 yrs. (uck) he's been drinking vodka every day for about 6 or 7 years. Sometimes the things you say have been written in my journal for years or sometimes I crack up laughing at the deja vu of my situation because it happened to you! I could go on and on, but what I really wanted to say (needed to say) this time is....I hope you realize HOW GREAT YOU ARE! Your a great Dad. Your kids are so important to you and it shows. Sometimes all we (spouses of alcoholics)hear is how bad we are or how we do this or that wrong. (my alcoholic has even told me that I need to stop arguing with my 12 yr. old daughter. Ummm, excuse me, it's called teaching her right from wrong.)Anyway...Please know that you are good and someday (if not already) your children will realize how lucky they are to have you for a Dad. Keep up the great job. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF! Thank you for having the courage to share your life with us. It helps me. Alot. I have wanted to comment to you since you wrote about the night watching Deal or No Deal. I cant tell you how many times I have written a message but closed it out instead of sending it. I swear I’m gonna send it this time. (I keep telling myself it’s not about my bad grammar, spelling or punctuation.)
I have been married for 18 yrs. (uck) he’s been drinking vodka every day for about 6 or 7 years. Sometimes the things you say have been written in my journal for years or sometimes I crack up laughing at the deja vu of my situation because it happened to you! I could go on and on, but what I really wanted to say (needed to say) this time is….I hope you realize HOW GREAT YOU ARE! Your a great Dad. Your kids are so important to you and it shows. Sometimes all we (spouses of alcoholics)hear is how bad we are or how we do this or that wrong. (my alcoholic has even told me that I need to stop arguing with my 12 yr. old daughter. Ummm, excuse me, it’s called teaching her right from wrong.)Anyway…Please know that you are good and someday (if not already) your children will realize how lucky they are to have you for a Dad. Keep up the great job. BE PROUD OF YOURSELF! Thank you for having the courage to share your life with us. It helps me. Alot.

]]> Comment on November 13, 2009 by bats0711 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/2009/11/15/november-13-2009/#comment-292 bats0711 Tue, 17 Nov 2009 13:52:53 +0000 http://aanohelp.wordpress.com/?p=680#comment-292 I don't know why when I typed she's 8 years old it came up as a smiley. I don’t know why when I typed she’s 8 years old it came up as a smiley.

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