October 16, 2009

Drinking again. Her brother came over. Her mother is out of town for four days (she actually told us it would be a couple of days, but apparently she left on Friday and isn’t coming back until Monday. That isn’t “a couple”, in my book) and she wants us to keep an eye on my father-in-law. He is ill and falls a lot. He needs help getting back up, so we have to listen for unexplained thuds and then go help him if necessary. He is also diabetic and her mother insists that he has to eat before seven. That was why she invited my brother-in-law to come over last night. He brought dinner, but he got delayed and didn’t show up until about seven thirty. (Oops, that plan backfired!) While he was there, he let it be known that my other brother-in-law was coming over tonight. All this has been set up by my mother-in-law. My wife is convinced that it is because her mother doesn’t trust us to feed her father on time. And after her brother left last night, she went on a rant about it. I told her maybe that was true, but maybe it was also true that she had her sons come over and bring the grandchildren so that my father-in-law would have some entertainment beside the idiot box all weekend and some human contact. He has been rude and angry towards us, so we probably don’t really fit the bill and don’t spend much time with him. My wife went ballistic, again, and refused to consider that there was any ‘nice’ reason that her mother set up these visits by her brothers. She stomped off to her smoking lounge and all I could hear from her was profanity and “I’m done”. Again.

Also, while my brother-in-law was here with his family, my wife was drunk and playing with her niece and nephew. It only resulted in one accidental smack in the eye for the niece, and she got over it quickly, so I guess it could have been worse. My brother-in-law is an alcoholic who has quit drinking. He knows a bit of what my wife is going through, but he was able to quit and she apparently can’t, or won’t. I’m sure he knows my wife was drunk, it was pretty obvious, she talks funny and says inappropriate things and doesn’t really track the conversation going on around her.

October 15, 2009

Another drunk night. They are all starting to run together in my mind, they all seem the same. She drinks, is mean to the kids, and her IQ seems to drop about twenty points. Then she goes off on something, I don’t even remember what it was, but if I don’t agree with her, or, if I actually dare to disagree, she takes it completely personally. And if I then tell her that I don’t want to talk to her any more because she is drunk and not making any sense any more, she goes really ballistic, screaming and ranting that she is done with me, done with the kids, done with her parents, done with her job, and, oh yeah, she wants a divorce.

I will have to remember to write these every day, or at least by the day after because they are all starting to run together. Plus, I have decided to just not let her drunken, abusive behavior have the same hold on me that it has had for so many years. I guess I am finally learning to distance myself from her antics, can putting actual distance from her be to far behind?

October 13, 2009

Drinking again. Nothing to bad though. Kind of nasty to the kids, hard to talk to for me. I guess it is what passes for a good night when she is drinking. She did try to tell me that she might be going out drinking Friday with people from work. I always hate it when she does that, she is supposed to be QUITTING drinking, not going to a bar, spending a wad of cash and then driving back drunk. And I am not going to be happy about it when she tells me about it. Plus, the last time she said her boss was pushing for a Happy Hour, she later let it slip out that her boss had nothing to do with it and it was all her idea.

October 12, 2009

The little woman got drunk and then insisted that she needed to go buy some new underwear. She spent a pile of cash on a very few items. Shortly after we got back from the store, she became very amorous.  I don’t mind, but her timing was horrible (I was in the middle of cooking dinner when she suggested this – the kids were hungry and if I left the food when she wanted me to it would have burned to a crisp!) I eventually put her off until after I got the kids fed and put to bed – a much better plan! She got mad for a while and I thought that was going to be the end of that, but things worked out in the end.

October 8, 2009

She was drinking again tonight. No fights or anything, just her being sullen and in a nasty mood. I guess that passes as a good night around here for her. (Not so much for me though).

October 7, 2009

She was drinking again. I made dinner, chicken and dumplings, one of her favorites. When I served it, it was fresh off the stove and was pretty hot. She started pissing and moaning because the food was hot. I never heard her do this until her father started doing it a couple of years ago. I swear she gets more like her parents every drunken day. I told her that this was real food and it had been cooked on a real stove and it was supposed to be served hot. If she didn’t like it, she could wait a minute to eat it. She wanted to argue, but I guess one look at my face told her not to.

After that, things seemed to be normal. But later our cable was having problems. She asked me if there had been a letter about changes or upgrades and I told her that we weren’t the subscribers, her parents are, so we wouldn’t have gotten anything. (And they would not have told us…) My wife asked me how much we were paying for cable and I told her nothing. We piggyback cable TV and Internet access off their account and they are actually saving money doing things that way over the way they were doing them before, when we did pay for DSL Internet access. My wife got very upset that we weren’t paying twenty a month for Internet any more (again, they aren’t paying extra for our use of the cable modem and they actually pay less than when we paid them for DSL access.) She glared at me for a minute, then stormed off to her smoking lounge and began ranting and raving in the back room. It was directed at me, but I ignored it. I didn’t want to argue with her while she was drunk, especially over something that shouldn’t have been worth an argument in the first place!

So, another fine night of pointless drunken weirdness. I wouldn’t mind if it were fun or funny, but it isn’t. It mostly just makes me sad that she is doing this to herself. Drinking diminishes her and makes her kind of pathetic. And I miss my wife, at least, my wife the way she used to be and still often is, when she is sober.

October 6, 2009

Tonight was our daughter’s Open House at school. My wife was drinking. She wasn’t bad, no loud talking or swearing at the crowds (things she has done at Open Houses before, while drunk.) But she wasn’t sober for the occasion, either. She told me that we should go early so that we could get parking and maybe get in and get out quickly. We left early, but then she decided she needed me to stop and get her something to drink. We got a bottle of water at a convenience store. It happens to be near one of her favorite liquor stores. As I got back in the car with the bottled water, she gestured towards the liquor store. I said, “What?” and she didn’t answer, just waved her hand at the store again. I think she thought I was going to buy her some more vodka. Not likely.

We went to the Open House, but she wouldn’t stay for the prepared presentation. We walked around and found a couple of our daughter’s teachers and introduced ourselves and  then she wanted to leave. We came back, ate dinner and she got tired and went to bed at nine.

I’ve decided I’m not going to get mad at her any more, just avoid the drunken stuff and move on. No point in my getting all upset and angry over something I can’t change. I’ll just let it go, probably let her go, too.

October 5, 2009

My wife was drunk again. She picked at dinner, but the fun didn’t really start until afterwards. She got in her manic mode and was running around, picking things up. I don’t mind that, but when she starts going through my stuff and throwing things away, I get nervous. She started yelling at me because my desk was a mess and started to go through it all and I asked her to stop.

Then she started in on our daughter. My wife started saying that we had better not hear anything bad about her at her school’s open house. Then my wife told our girl that she couldn’t get away with things any more, this was middle school, not elementary school. (Our daughter is well behaved at school and is often picked out to help the teacher. We have never gotten any kind of bad report about her except that perhaps she is “to social.” I don’t know where my wife comes up with some of this stuff.)  Then my wife started ranting about how middle school was where she had lost all of her friends. I decided it was time to rein this in and said, “Honey, let’s not drag up all of our own issues. That happened to you, not to our daughter.” I said it as nicely as I could and got slammed for it. I was told that I had to watch our daughter, that I needed to step up and start taking care of our kids.  I pointed out that I was the one that did take care of the kids, and that she shouldn’t put her issues and problems on our kids. Then she pissed me off and I told her she was drunk and to just cut it out.  She stormed out into her smoking lounge.

When she came back, she started trying to hook up her iPod so it would charge. But she couldn’t figure out how to turn the computer on, and once I did that for her, she kept jerking at the various wires and tossed the mouse across the desk. I told her to stop pulling on the cables and she said she wasn’t and kept grabbing and tugging on them. I got up, unhooked her iPod, turned the computer off and told her to just leave it alone. We can’t afford to replace it if she breaks it. She got mad at me about that and told me she was done with me. That we were through. I said that I was done with her drunk ass, too. And to just stop talking to me while she was drunk. She kept trying to fight with me and I ignored her after telling her to shut up a few times. After that, she bitched at me some more, mainly because I was trying to watch Heroes, instead of dealing with her crap. I told her to stop bothering me and to shut up again. She told me Heroes is just fiction and wasn’t real. I guess I was supposed to decide to drop watching fiction and concentrate on her problems and let her get back to watching crappy “reality” TV, like Kate and Nate make 8, or anything about octo-mom. Finally, I took the kids up and read to them and put them to bed. She showed up for a minute, but didn’t want to stay in their bedroom while I was there.

Another delightful night at our place!

October 2, 2009

Tonight was a joy. I went to take our son to  pick up a birthday gift and then to a sleep-over party. On the way back from the store, her oil pressure light went on, along with an alarming message to “STOP. Turn off the engine. Low oil pressure.” It went right off and I chance driving to the nearest gas station and checked the oil. Bone dry. I put some in and delivered our son to his party. When I got back from that, she started immediately demanding to know what had taken so long and bitched about getting phone calls from the birthday host wondering where our son was. I told her what had happened and she immediately began bitching at me about that. And started in about her car’s steering, which make a bit of a rubbing noise when it is cold. Somehow in her mind those two things were related. At that point I realized she was angry drunk. I told her to just stop. She didn’t, so our daughter and I went upstairs to make dinner. My wife went to bed and passed out. Unfortunately, she didn’t stay that way.

When dinner was ready, I had made tortilla chips with a cheese sauce, guacamole, fresh salsa and a bay scallop salad, all to be eaten with the chips. I had planned on an evening of watching things we had recorded and munching on dinner. She came to, and started yelling about how starving she was. I told her dinner was ready and to come eat. She told me it was to late to eat, and she was starving because we hadn’t been to broke for her to eat. Not true, I had bought her the frozen en trees she liked for lunches, she just didn’t take them with her. And somehow, there wasn’t money for food but there was money for vodka and cigarettes.  I told her to either eat or shut the fuck up since she was drunk and I didn’t want to argue with her. Eventually she hauled her drunk carcass out of bed and came and ate, bitching the whole time until she finally went back and passed out again.

Thanks for another lovely evening, honey.

September 30, 2009

Another night, another drunk. She spent most of the dinner hour yacking on her cell phone out in her smoking lounge. Then afterwards she chased the kids out and told them to go run around the block. I was upstairs. They asked me to go for a walk with them. She got mad at that and started ranting about how they needed to run. I took them for a walk. It is hard to talk to her while she is drinking, especially when I think her drinking actually affects whatever it is she is complaining about. She just goes ballistic if I suggest that her drinking is the cause of any problem whatsoever. At least, she does when she is drinking.